The Long Road of Waiting Process

The Long Road of Waiting Process

I believed everybody would agree with me the the long road of waiting process is never easy. Our mind is constantly battle with both sides of thoughts during the waiting line. Our thoughts swift from one extreme to another extreme as the waiting time prolonged and no significant result is revealing as our expectations.

Sending close to 400 job applications around 4 months lead no result of job offer. I have to return my home country with complicated emotions. Back to where I was seems to me the two years of expat life is like a dream. The reality is cruel enough to bring my faith down on God.

The God’s words and promises are like anaesthetic to me. Why? We were using God’s words to heal our pain everytime. Just like you are injecting anesthetic everytime you feel the pain. Then it slowly run out of pharmacodynamic effect. No word is working for me anymore like I’m paralyzed.

It’s not I don’t believe God has better plan for me. It’s not the matter that I don’t know God is working on something great. Not that like I don’t know God is the only hope for all. When nothing seems working after you have done what needed to be done and also leave the rest to God, my heart sank into the deep dark ocean. 

Rest

Since the beginning of the job search process I was constantly came across bible verses regards to rest. I was telling God I’m tired with my life and I’m breathless now. This life is all done with high achievements in careers, life, skills, beauty, knowledge, ministry……. all except a life partner. Bare in mind those achievement doesn’t come to me easy. I’m surrendering white flags for facing life all by myself without anyone by my side.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 

Matthew 11:28

Let God Fight Your Battles

Yes, that’s right! Perhaps I’ve been living by my own self even I thought I’m surrendering my life to God. For now, I know I have done my part of sending enough resumes, asking friends, research and considered other opportunities. Of course, I have people who prayed for me, I was fasting and pray…… whatever you can mentioned, I’ve done it all! Including return to my home country even that’s not my will. Yet to see any miracles!

I will go before you and make the crooked paths straight; I will break in pieces the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron.

Isaiah 45:2

Battling with Enemy Lies

Perhaps this is the hardest part of life regardless how long you’ve been living as a true Christian. The reality is cruel enough to tell me God isn’t love me anymore. The silence of any answered prayer is telling me God has abandoned me. The lion is roaring at me and pushing me to the edge of the cliff leading me to suicidal intention. Praying, crying, mourning doesn’t seems to gain empathy from Him. What else I can do other than waiting?

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Ephesians 6: 11-17

Privilege and The Chosen One

During a bible study during this season, one of the sister pointed out not everyone will go through the same hard time because not everyone can handle it. So why it has to be me? It is a privilege! You are the chosen one! The strong one! These are the answers I heard during the bible study. All I want to tell God is can I opt out? I don’t want to be any part of this “special unique group” like those police special unit. Seriously, just take me out of this! 

Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Romans 5:3-4

You are Closer than You Think

I don’t how close I’m to my destiny. Not even sure am I still an underground seed or the surfacing bamboo ready to accelerate growth. At this point of time, I still don’t see what is in front of me neither a light nor a shore. Completely floating in the ocean without direction or simply walking in the dark without knowing where I am. Not sure if you are someone who had passed the season or someone experiencing the tough season like me.

As much as I want to encourage someone not to give up and hold tight, that is exactly as much as I want to do so. I left no strength to pray for myself for now and I know there are prayer warriors around me. The only energy I have reserved is to pray for the one I love who is going through life struggle and no one praying for. 

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