Feeling Lost in Life

Feeling Lost in Life

Feeling lost in life is scary, frustrating, anxious and even hopeless. It was just about three weeks I started this blog with the purpose to testify the great work of God in my life as a single Christian. I was just about getting through the after-storm recovery and ready to stand-up again. Boom! The company informed me that they will not renew my job contract! Seriously? I spent so much effort to process my work visa and you are telling me I’m fired before the immigration appointment date? Looking at the market opportunities at my age could be really really really tough in a foreign land. Other words, I’m going to be jobless without knowing how long before another job offer lands on my hand. 

You are kidding me!

God, please tell me what have I did wrong to deserve this? Again and again you brought storms through my life. I’m really tired and not wanting to have this anymore. All I asked is to have peaceful life that I longed to have. I’m tired of fighting against those tough situations always by myself. What I meant here is those fights I went through without having anybody could physically hands their helps when I need it. All I had were solely on God who can bring victories over it! When I cried my heart out loud, no one is physically available to lend me a shoulder. Never!

Don’t tell me what to do!

As a born Christian living in God of my whole life, my brain knows every words you are going to tell me. In this case, please don’t tell me what to do and what God is for me! It’s the words you and I believed but certainly not helping me in this situation but it sounds grating to me. Deep in my heart I knew exactly what to do.

Do not fear as God will never leave you! I’m shivering scared and wondering where my life should go! If God had brought me so far, is He taking back now? God loves you! I think He doesn’t love me anymore. How would a Father is able to let the beloved daughter suffered in life again and again? God has better plan not to harm you but to bless you! Of course I know this place isn’t good for me to stay longer, but why not show me the opened door first before I lost my job contract? You need to trust Me! Yes, I always trust You but it’s also true enough that I will still feel worry, anxious and fear. Just pray! Seriously, I don’t have the strength to say a word to God. Anything is just too heavy to lift for now.

Feeling lost in life with peace!

There are stages you need to go through before you are able to find the peace in this lost world. It is the on-going process while waiting for the opened door to show up. It is ok to feel lost sometimes. The one promise that I captured was God is working for us and we don’t even need to choose which door to open. We will not even have the chance to choose the wrong door.

Let me grief

What my closest friends told me was, if you need to grief on God, do it! If you want to cry, cry it out loud! If you want to scold or blame God, do it! And I did it all. I said to God that He don’t love me anymore. God is cruel to me! I begged You to stop these but You never listen to my prayer. (Thou deep in my heart I truly know God wants me to leave this place as it has no good for me.)

Get support 

This is especially important to have people who could really share the burden with you. I called my friends in Malaysia and cried out to them who they knew my personality quite well. I was avoiding to attend the local church for rest of mind because I refused to hear any bible quotes forcefully input in my mind. It is ok to let myself stay away the lovely crowds temporary before I can handle it again.

Pray for others

This doesn’t sound right at this moment but I did it. Few days after I received my news, another close colleague of mine facing similar fearful situation. I was praying for him that he will see an open door soonest too. Someone who has no strength and don’t know how to reach out to God is whom we shall pray for. As I prayed for him, peace slowly built in me.

Perspectives change and renew

Still I don’t know what is God’s plan in the future. The worst scenario is to pack my bags and go home. In the mean time, I’m opened for jobs globally instead of Portugal alone. What could go worst than that as long as I’m still alive. God planted wisdom in me knowing that it isn’t the end of the world. Our brain doesn’t think straight and easily filled with enemies lies at this point of time. If I don’t hold God’s word tight enough, the enemy lies can defeat me anytime. I’m close enough to get defeated.

Hear His voice once again

It was hard to pick up the bible and read His word when you feel hopeless. After the denial stage, I picked up the book my friend gave as birthday gift and read as my daily morning devotion. You wouldn’t believed, every book I bought or from a friend’s gift always speak to my situation. Every time! The only question is if I still trust in Him and willing to hear Him again.

Wait upon Him 

There is nothing I can do other than wait upon Him. Of course I need to do my part to continue send out the job applications. I don’t know where I would land in the future, the peace in me is getting more solid in this waiting time. This doesn’t mean I’m not worried or fear at all because I’m a human with weaknesses.

Feeling lost in life can be devastating to many of us but it will also rebuilt us when we have won the victory with Jesus Christ. Hopefully by the time of this scheduled post published, I would shout the joy of having job offered on my desk!

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